7 Ways To Check On Your Strong Friends (Plus 4 Important Tips)

A girl is holding onto her two friends

Do you have any friends that always seem so strong or happy no matter what life throws at them? Maybe they are the ones that are always listening to everyone else’s problems and seem to always have a solution, or they are the person you always go to if you need someone to cheer you up or you want to have fun with.  

Sometimes we can forget to check on these friends because they seem like they are so strong and nothing could shake them. But many times the strong friends are the ones that need the most help. 

In this post, we are going to look at what it means to check on your strong friends, why you should check on them, can check on your strong friends, and review some tips for checking on your strong friends.

What Does It Mean To Check On Your Strong Friends 

Checking on your strong friends means exactly what it sounds like: checking in on your friends and finding out how they are really doing.  

Sometimes this requires a bit more than simply accepting people’s words at face value. Strong friends have a tendency to brush off concerns or are quick to respond that everything is fine when that might not actually be the truth and they just don’t want to bother anyone else with their problems. 

You may have to dig a little bit deeper and use your judgment and intuition when it comes to checking on your strong friends. 

Check on your friends quote

Why Is It Important To Check On Your Strong Friends 

It is important to check on your strong friends because many times they are the ones who are suffering the most. Sometimes they wear that strength like a suit of armor and they want to appear strong to those around them, or even to themselves, but that may not reflect the reality of how they are actually feeling inside.  

This is especially true if they know that the people around them are also struggling, many times they think their problems are insignificant, or they don’t want to add to anyone else’s stress, so they will put everyone else before themselves and see everyone else’s problems as more important than their own. 

Also because they are seen as the strong friend, many people don’t think to dig any deeper or sometimes to even check on them at all. Their happiness and well-being are often overlooked by everyone else.  

Unfortunately, many times people don’t realize their strong friends were struggling until it is too late to help them. I am sure you have heard stories in the media, or even from people you know of people saying “But they seemed so strong” or “They were the funny one” or “I didn’t know they were struggling.”  

It is important to check on your strong friends before it is too late. 

How To Check On Your Strong Friends 

Sometimes it can be difficult to know how to check on your strong friends, especially if they brush you off and don’t seem receptive at first to you reaching out, but here are 7 ways to check on your strong friends: 

1) Reach Out With A Message, Text, Email, or Phone Call 

One of the first steps to checking on a strong friend is to send them a quick message to ask how they are doing. They may not be used to people checking on them in return, so be ready to really examine their reply and see if you need to dig a little deeper. 

You can start with small and simple messages like: 

  • “How are you doing?” 
  • “Hey I haven’t heard from you in a while”
  • “Just checking in” 
  • “I’ve been thinking about you and wanted to see how you’re doing?”
  • “Are you doing okay?” 

2) Examine Their Response 

Next, you should examine how they replied. You may need to use your gut and lean back on your knowledge of your friend so you can read between the lines when it comes to their reply. 

Did it feel like they were brushing you off? 

Do they seem like they are doing okay? 

Are there any other signs that would make it seem like they aren’t being genuine? 

If you feel like something is off, it would be wise to follow up with them. But remember, not everyone is going to be receptive to your help, and they may get defensive. If they really don’t want your help, don’t feel like talking to you, or are getting defensive that is okay and sometimes there isn’t anything more you can do. 

3) Check In With Specific Questions 

If you feel that your strong friend is giving you vague responses or brushing you off, you can use a different tactic and specifically address anything you know that may be causing them stress. Asking them a specific question means it will be harder for them to shrug off you checking in with them and might lead to a more honest response.  

Examples of this are: 

  • “I remember you said you and your partner have been fighting lately, how is that going?” 
  • “How has work been? Has it been less stressful since the last time we talked?” 
  • “I know you said you have a lot going on right now. Are you remembering to take care of yourself?” 

4) Let Them Know You Are There 

Even if they don’t want to talk to you, or they seem like they are doing fine, it is often a good idea to let them know that you are there for them if they need you.  

Although your strong friend may not need you right now, knowing you are there for them if they ever need you in the future can provide them with a lot of comfort and then if they do ever feel like talking, they may reach out.  

This can look like: 

  • “Okay, well I am always here for you if you need me” 
  • “Let me know if you ever need to talk about anything” 
  • “You can always message me anytime you want” 
  • “If you need someone to vent to, I am always around” 

5) Offer Practical Help 

Sometimes our strong friends don’t need someone to talk about their problems with, but they are overwhelmed and stressed out and it may be better to offer them practical help. 

Something like helping with their children, giving them a ride somewhere, offering to drop off groceries for them, or helping them with another task can take a huge burden off of their shoulders.  

Or maybe they are caring for a sick child, partner, and parent and you just feel they need a break to get out of the house and go for a walk, a drive, or coffee.  

Often, what may seem like such a small gesture to you, can make a large difference to a person who is overwhelmed. 

6) Thank Them For Their Support 

Sometimes our strong friends might not need to vent about their problems, but they may be feeling unappreciated or undervalued for all the support that they have been giving to everyone else around them.  

A simple “thank you for being there for me” can go a long way. 

7) Watch For Their Red Flags 

Depending on how long you have known your strong friend, and how close your friendship is, you may start to notice “red flags” or hints about your friend’s behavior and when something may not be okay. 

For example, one of my best friends moved to a different country than me and her mom passed away unexpectedly last year. Normally she is very good about responding to my messages, but over the last few months I’ve noticed that when she doesn’t reply to my messages as much, she is often struggling with her grief or overwhelmed with everything going on in her life. 

This red flag lets me know that my friend needs some extra support from me right now.  

Everyone is different and will develop their own red flags or signs that they are going through a hard time that may become easier to spot if you learn what to look for. 

Check on your strong friends quote

Tips For Checking On Your Strong Friends 

Here are a few things to remember when it comes to checking on your strong friends: 

You Can Only Do What You Can Do 

Sometimes people won’t want your help, or won’t want to open up to you no matter how much you try and that is okay.  

All you can do is try. If people don’t want to accept your help, don’t feel guilty.

Ask Them Important Questions Before They Are Struggling 

As you are building a friendship with a person, it could be wise to ask them several questions for future moments when they might be struggling and the best way that they would like support. Questions like: “When you are having a hard time what is the best way I can support you?” “How do you express your stress?” “Do you normally ask people for help when you need it?” 

Asking these questions before a moment of crisis can ensure that you can an honest answer that isn’t influenced by other factors.  

You Might Need To Reach Out For More Help 

When someone is really struggling, and you are worried about their safety and the safety of the people around them you might need to reach out for more help. 

A mental health professional, a crisis line, or even calling 911 are all resources that are there for you to use in times that you need them. 

Your friend might be upset with you at first, or even discourage you from contacting someone else, but if you really are worried about them or other people it might be hard, but it is the best thing to do.  

You would rather be safe and ensure the safety of everyone, including your friend, rather than wishing you would have done more to help. 

Don’t Take It Personally

From your offer of support being rejected, to them shutting you out, to being mad that you are checking on them or seeking help for them, and more… it is important to remember not to take things personally. When people are struggling with their mental health they often say and do things that are out of character. 

Don’t take it personally. 

Final Thoughts On Why You Should Check On Your Strong Friends… 

The bottom line is checking in on the people that you love and care about is a great habit to get into. Even the people in your life that seem the strongest could be struggling behind closed doors and you will never know.  

Not everyone is good at asking for help when they need it, or expressing difficult emotions, so reaching out from time to time and letting them know that you care about them and are there to support them is a wonderful idea. 

Take care of yourself. 

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